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2005-05-19T07:58:00.000-07:00

Metamorphosis

2005-05-10T14:15:00.000-07:00

“You know, I -- I was getting along with everything fine. I accepted it. And then you happened.” ~Jamie (A Walk to Remember)

Few months ago I have accepted the fact that yes no matter how many guys there is out there, I will always be sad feeling defeated that the ones I wanted are the ones who are already taken. And at another point, the ones who like me are the ones I’ll never learn to love no matter how wonderful a person they are.

There I was trying to enjoy life despite the feeling of real loss in terms of the “love” thingy. I was doing pretty well pretending its okay even I have gotten no nothing during the heart’s day (or the fact that I didn’t get the chance to join the lovapalooza ;p), simple and pathetic things like that became really mortifying for me.

But then all of sudden things changed. On the day I never really expected, he happened. Right in front me, there was an angel… smiling, staring at me. I have never realized that that was the beginning of my metamorphosis. Days past and suddenly I wasn’t alone anymore. He was there… right beside me, talking to me, listening to me. He was everything I have ever dreamed of (I can hear myself sounding like a hopeless romantic in loved). I can’t believe it! I couldn’t believe how lucky I am to have ever found such an idiosyncratic beauty (inside and out).

For a month I have been thankful for all the days we spent together. I will always cherish the sweetest days of our lives and hope that it will last. I know things have changed now and I’m pretty sure a lot of hard to handle things will soon came up but knowing we will always be for each other I know we’ll gonna make it far..

Memories

2005-05-07T00:09:00.000-07:00

Memories

I felt a sudden urge to cry...
Beneath the darkest night
I search for you...
It's all coming back

The music,
The clamor,
The crowd,
It's all the same

The scintillating stars vanished...
The hush of wind murmuring of rain's doubtless existence
I can sense it's near, slowly approaching,

Its back!

The tears finally fell
Rolled down through my cheeks
Kiss my lips
Touch the ground.

Indeed the come back is fulfilled
Doubtless it's still there
Probably will stay
But it will never be the same...

Never again.

Starting Over

2005-04-17T21:11:00.000-07:00

Hayyy I finally met Ron’s family, his mom who really looks just like him, ;) his chubby little sister, Kim and his younger brother (who happened to be a sacristan), Mel. I didn’t get the chance to have long talks with his mom and his siblings since they have to go some place. Anyway we sure have a long time getting to know each other. I just hope they’ll like me.

Meeting With Future Mother-in-Law ;p

2005-04-16T23:08:00.000-07:00

Waaahhh!!!! Tomorrow, on a Sunday mass will be the first time I’ll be meeting Ron’s family. I am just so anxious of what they might say about me. First impression counts. So I’m really planning and preparing for everything. What I’ll wear, what I’ll do, heck I’m even planning what to say or how I’d smile, walk, sing, pray, say “peace be with you”. Oh well I’m overreacting, I’m just sort of bothered of whether they’ll like me or not and at the same time thinking of Ron’s ex, who he’d mention was close to his family, their moms we’re even friends! While on the other side there’s no way my parents would be friends with his mom. My dad’s obviously just pretending to care about me while my mom (who might have possibility to get along with his mom) is in New York. All I could count on is me, myself and only I. Hence, I really have to bring out the best in me… wish me luck!!!

Meet My Folks

2005-04-06T23:34:00.000-07:00

Opening up my new relationship to my parents is the hardest thing I’ve ever decided to do. I was never close to my parents. I cannot even recall any moment that I open up my feelings, thoughts and everyday scenario with them since I was in grade two [I think], since they got separated. That’s why I never had the chance to admit them about my past two boyfriends.

Now that I’m already 17 years old and thinking that I had already conjured up enough courage and maturity to tell them about my current boyfriend, I patiently waited for hours for my mom to call from New York and tell her that “thing” about me and this guy. Though I am aware of her constant reminder of me few weeks ago “wag munang mag-boboyfriend” that’s why I accepted the idea that she might be mad at me and ground me for life. Then she finally called, it took me up to when my mom was about to end the call to spill up my biggest secret. Fortunately as I expected it she understands me naman and just gave me few pointers and reminders of my limitations. And since I wasn’t any at all comfortable talking to my dad I asked her to do let him aware of it. And after that everything became fine.

Up to now I still can’t believe that we’re “legal” na… I an just uber happy everything turned okay sa alright haha!!! : overjoyed:

Lucky ME!!!!!!

2005-04-01T17:32:00.000-08:00

“To love is something I’m afraid to do but there was something different about you. You made me do something I swore not to do. You made me fall in love with you.”

If there’s one reason why I feel no regrets having him in my life sa kabila ng sobrang bilis na mga pangyayari, it will be because he’s making me feel special and he’s making me feel loved and evidently happy… I can’t say na mahal na mahal ko na xia pero sa ngayon, I can’t afford to lose him. He’s my everything. All around, he can be my friend, lover, body guard, a good listener, and a great adviser… basta lahat ng pwede mong maisip. That’s why I feel so lucky having him. =)

Reflections..

2005-03-31T15:32:00.000-08:00

Reflections

Gazing through the endless field
of nothingness,
Looking for lost memories
regaining consciousness
trying to reconstruct reality.
Finding no one in sight
except the flicker of light
my soul wanders
through the hollow path of darkness.
I have to find my way
through all these atrocities,
I have to find myself before I drown
in this sea of multiple identity.
Staring at the shadow of my soul
my sanity begins to break
for I couldn't find
the one true self that I seek.

Fell in Lurrrrve

2005-03-31T00:30:00.000-08:00

17 days ago to be exact, when suddenly a connection appeared between us. I often tell him then with our everyday conversations that I’m still not yet ready, that I’m still afraid to fall again. But then after 17 days I gave in. I don’t know how or why, I just did. I finally let my guards down again and fell. I'm looking forward now in spending my future with him hope this one lasts… for a life time!

I found this from one of my note pad during high school; I don’t know who the author is; anyway just want to share it…

“Don’t be afraid to tell someone you love him or her. If you do they might break your heart. But if you don’t, you might break theirs. Have you ever decided not to become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with this person? Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn’t. You can’t tell your heart what to do. It does on its own when you least suspect it, or even when you don’t want it to.”

Connecting...

2005-03-14T21:27:00.000-08:00

It’s been a month. Well something great happened. I’ve met someone interesting today. We were about to perform a dance showdown kase with the other blocks ng nursing for our final exam in P.E. This was something big for us kase money is involved as a prize sa mananalo dito kaya naman we really prepared for it.

So eh di yun tinawag na yung block namin… Ako naman since hindi ako kagalingan sa pagsasayaw eh umisip na lang ako ng way, nagpacute na lang ako… nginitian ko yung judge. When he smiled back medyo nawala ako sa sarili for a fleeting second. Ewan huh pero biglang my kabogs sa dibdib ko. I tried to ignore it na lang since akala ko wala lang naman yun. After nung performance namin, lahat ng groupmates ko sat behind the judges. Tumabi ako kay bheybhie sabay bulong “may itsura ung isang judge” tapos sumagot siya “si ronante yan eh classmate natin nung elementary” sabay tinawag naman ni jeff [yung isa pa naming ka-group], ka-dancer naman pala niya yun. Woah surprised ako sa mga connections huh? Then afterwards kinausap ako ni jeff kinukuha nya yung number ko, so binigay ko naman. Never knowing na si judge pala yung nagpapakuha. I found out lang nung may nag-text sakin about 12 pm. Well I really like him huh, I almost forgot everything about my boo na nga eh. We’ll never know whether this will lead to something or not, might as well enjoy muna. =)

Valentine SUCKKS!!!

2005-02-14T23:24:00.000-08:00

Valentine SUCKKS big time!!!

No ~~flowers~~, no ~~chocolates~~, no ~~letters~~, no ~~anything~~!!! To think na may dalawa naman sana akong manliligaw. Oh well tag-hirap na nga sa pinas.

The only thing na natanggap ko is a note from a friend saying happy hearts day. Ok that was appreciated naman ;D

Beauty But No Brains??

2005-02-12T22:04:00.000-08:00

Judge: “How can you bridge the generation gap between parents and their children?”

Sagot ni # 03: [tahimik for about 10 seconds] ahhhmmm…

Audience: woo

Pamaya-maya tinagalog ni judge ang tanong

Contestant # 03: ahhhmmm?????

Audience: tsk tsk

Contestant # 03: ahh through prayers po, kahit po malayo ang magulang maipapramdam po natin ang pagmamahal sa pamamagitan ng prayers.

Nyekkk!!! Ano daw? Ayoko sanang manlait ng tao pero sayang ang ganda niya. Alam ko hindi ako matalinong tao pero kung ako ang tatanungin malamang sabihin ko,

“We could bridge the gap just by being open-minded. Communication is the key, Parents and their children should voice out their feelings towards each other. Understanding is also a necessity here.”

Well muka namang mas acceptable answer yun diba? Trying hard pero mas malapit naman siguro… dba?

Anyway that was a scene from last night’s pageant [Mr. and Ms. Wesleyan]. Actually the contestant no. 03 is the pretty girlfriend of my big bro [friend]. I probably think he wanted to shrink from his seat that time. I pity him, especially her.

And my abiding question for today “What is beauty if the brain is empty?” wahehe

Bond-Age

2005-02-03T22:51:00.000-08:00

Everything seems to fall back into places. No classes today kaya it’s GALA day. Me and my friends finally talk over the issues bothering our friendship yesterday and everything seems to be perfectly fine now. We went bonding today. Ate pizza, sang 14 songs at the videoke booth get our pictures taken at the photo shop, boy hunting, talk about boys and stuffs. It was really a full throttle day for us –the Charlie’s Angels [in our dreams] haha. Basta I’m just uber happy we worked things out.

Gap Development

2005-01-31T00:42:00.000-08:00

Have you ever had those days when you totally hate your friends and just want to cast them away to another planet or another galaxy whatsoever?

It’s just that I didn’t expect them to be the least person who would understand me. What’s wrong with them? If they don’t like something about me why not tell it to my face? I would more likely appreciate it than them backstabbing me.

Insecurities attack. Fraud friends detected.

Holding back my tears and pretending not to know a thing about what they were up to, I went out with them. That’s it! I think it’s better for now that I wait for them to tell me what’s really going on.

Pretentions

2005-01-18T23:31:00.000-08:00

I really hate PRETENDING, kaso anong magagawa ko may masasaktan? Kung bakit naman xe sa libong tao sa Earth bakit friends pa sila? Not that I love Francis or this is something deep, kaso nga lang gusto ko na talaga siya before I even met his friend – ryan. So diba ang hirap nung ganun yung nanliligaw sayo kaibigan ng gusto mo, and just when you’re trying to like him you end up liking his other friend more. Parang all poles leads away from him. I like him naman kaso lang talgang hindi siya makahabol dun sa dalawa niyang friend who are far more interesting than him at mas may sense kausap. Hindi naman sa non-sense sya pero parang ganon. He’s soooo boring!! [aww] pero TRUTH HURTS talaga. Hmp bahala na pero all I can bestow them is my interminable friendship yun lang. I’ll be waiting for my soul mate, no matter how long it will take.

2005-01-13T21:26:00.000-08:00

Last week, I did a great job on Physics and Math exams.

However, I could have done a better job in History and making good conversations with new acquaintances.

Next time, maybe should study my lessons, listen to my teachers and be brave enough to voice out my feelings and thoughts.

I’m really proud of myself for being CHEERFUL.

But I really regret being so emotional and let things interpret my studies.

This week, I will try to study harder and be brave enough to do what I want without minding what other people would say.

Bonding Time!!!

2005-01-12T00:22:00.000-08:00

Jammingan to the max with few of our HRIM friends. Payabangan mode kami…

NURSING vs. HRIM [Hotel, Restaurant and Institution Management]. Sobrang funny ng usapan namin grabe… there was a point na pinagyayabang na ni kuya Christian na may mini hotel sila sumagot si cecille “meron ba? Asan? Masyado namang mini, microscopic!!!” Tapos ‘pag mejo natatalo na kami sasabihin nalang namin “magkano pondo nyo? Kami kase milyon [since nursing ang highest population sa university namin] Tution nyo nga baon lang namin eh ;D” wahahah sumakit talaga tiyan ko katatawa dahil sa debate na yun..saya talaga spending time with barkada.

Me Day!!!

2005-01-05T23:18:00.000-08:00

Today’s my seventeenth year enjoying the journey of existence. I could say I’m really proud of myself making it this far despite of everything that hindered my way. I’m this close to entering “adulthood” and I’ll make sure to splurge the last few days and months of me being a minor to be a blast.

The dragon will let out a big ball of fire this year of the rooster!!! Get ready :wink:

It'sRaining Men

2004-12-10T20:14:00.000-08:00

I think finally He heard me. But there’s still a lot of confusion out here. I ask Him to please send me my soul mate na… and then he send me a lot.

It’s raining men!!!

I’ve been collecting admirers nowadays. Ha-ha amazing!!!

And even my big time crush texted me and unveil that he has also a huge CRUSH on me whoa!!! Right now we’re starting to build a great relationship as friends. I dunno whether this will lead to something or what but I’m happy on what’s going on.

Kapag Ginulo Ka Ng Pag-Ibig

2004-11-09T23:08:00.000-08:00

>>Kapag Ginulo ka ng Pag-ibig
>
>>Marami kang iniisip, naiisip at gustong isipin.
>
>Pero mas gusto mong malaman ng lahat ng tao ang lahat ng kabangagan mo.
Wala lang.
>
>>Magpapansin. Umasang may mag-rereply sa senseless
thoughts mo.
>
>>Mag-advice. Magsabing, "Oo.. naiintindihan kita.."

>>Pero ayos lang sayo kahit di nila basahin to. Bakit
pa? Sino ka ba?
>
>>Nakakadiri. Ayaw mong tuksuhin ka nilang, "yuck!!
Ang mushy mo pala!!"
>
>>Sa lahat ng kaibigan mong humihingi ng advice
tungkol sa pag-ibig,
>
>>ang sinasabi mo lang palagi, "Tange, kalimutan mo na
lang yang nararamdaman mo.
>
>>Korni mo e. Ang OA mo pa. Guguluhin lang nyan
buhay mo."
>
>>Ang sasabihin pa nila sayo, "Talaga? Buti ka pa, wala
kang lovelife.
>
>>Di ka stressed. Di ka kinakabahan palagi --"
>
>>"At di ako mukhang tanga."
>
> >May na-offend ka na naman. Pero pakialam mo ba sa
kanila? Totoo naman ah.
>
>>Tapos bigla mong mare-realize, may problema ka na
rin pala. Hayop talaga.
>
>>Gusto mong sumigaw. Bakit may nanggugulo na
rin ng buhay mo ngayon?
>
>
> >Ang dami mong crush, grabe. Yung isang classmate mo
sa Math6, isa
sa
>
> >Physics, dalawa sa History, dalawa sa PE2, isa sa
Filipino at isa sa Chem2.
>
>>Si mike cortez ng archers, si George Chia ng Blue
Eagles, si Rukawa ng
>
>>Shohoku. Si Dao Ming Shi at si Mei Zhuo ng F4. Si
Alex Band.
>
>>Si Legolas. Si Harry Potter.
>
>>Sixteen. Imagine?
>
>>Pero di naman nila ginugulo ang buhay mo.
>
>>Ayos lang di ba? Kaso may isang taong di mo
maintindihan kung bakit
>
>>kahit anong gawin mo, talagang ginugulo pa rin niya
yung buhay mo.
>
>>Para siyang mangkukulam. Kahit saan nakikita mo
sya.
>
>>Inalis mo na noon yung pangalan nya sa phone mo.
Kaso sinulat mo pa
>
>>rin yung number nya sa diary mo. Engot ka talaga.
Tapos nilagay mo
>
>>ulit sa cell mo. Tapos inalis mo ulit kase nainis
ka. Naihagis mo pa
>
>>nga sa kama mo yung phone mo e. Tapos naisip mo
wala rin namang
epekto
>
>>kung nasa cell mo siya o wala, kaya nilagay mo na
lang ulit.
>
>>Tapos binura mo na talaga ngayon. Panahon na para
kalimutan na
talaga
>
>>sya --- naiisip mo.
>
> >Okay na? Hinde. Mas malala.
>
>>Na-memorize mo na kase yung number nya. Tsk tsk
tsk. Naaawa ka na talaga sa sarili mo.
>
>>Naiinis ka pa kapag sinasabi sayo ng mga kaibigan
mo, "Nakita ko sha
sa
>
>>mall kanina." Asar na asar ka. Sabay sigaw with
matching facial
>
>>__expression, "PAKEELAM KO?"
>
> >At magtatanong sila ng isang tanong na matagal mo
nang hinihintay na
>
> >sagutin sa harap ng maraming tao: "Baket? Ayaw mo
na ba sa kanya?"
>
> >Tatahimik ka muna. Parang si Lei sa harap ni Tang
Chin.
>
>>Magbubuntung-hininga. Tititigan silang lahat na
naghihintay ng sagot mo.
>
> >Biglang magkakaron ng split personality disorder,
ngingiti at
>
>>magsasalita: "Sino yon?"
>
> >Nagandahan ka sa ginawa mo. Effective. Wow, para
talagang di na nya
>
>>kilala.
>
> >Biglang makikita mo siya. Ayun. Mabubuwisit ka
talaga. Maaalala mo
>
>>yung mga panahong pinagmukha ka niyang tanga. Yung
panahong kailangan mo siya.
>
>>Yung panahong iniwan ka nya sa ere... Yung panahong tinalikuran ka nya.
>
> >Masisira ang araw mo. Wala ka sa mood
makipagtawanan. Sisigawan mo
>
>>ang kaibigan mong natapakan ang white rubber shoes
mo. Gugustuhin mong
>
>>balatan ng buhay ang lahat ng taong nagtatanong
kung bakit ka wala sa mood.
>
>>Hihilingin mong makapag-teleport ka
papuntang Egypt.
>
> >At bigla mong maririnig ang isa sa mga kaibigan mo,
"Ganyan talaga pag
>
>>in-love." May background pang mga palihim na tawa.
At sabay-sabay
>
>>silang kakanta ng --- > crazy For You
>
>>Di ka makakapagsalita. Mararamdaman mong umiinit
yung tenga mo, yung
>
>>leeg mo, yung mukha mo. Bigla mong maiisip ang
pinakaepektibong
>
>>palusot, ngingiti at magsasalita, "Sino yon?"
>
> >Ayos na sana, kaso di mo naisip na mali yung
statement mo. At bago
mo
>
>>pa mabawi ang sinabi mo, sasabihin na nila, "Baket?
Me sinabe bang
>
>>pangalan??? wahhh!! Halata!!!"
>
>>Feeling mo masusunog na sa init yung mukha mo.
>
>>Kahit anong pilit mong kalimutan siya, mabilis
talagang kumalat ang
>
>>balita. Minsan naglalakad ka. May masasalubong kang
dalawang taong di
>
>>mo kilala. Magbubulungan sila. Titingnan ka, mula
ulo hanggang paa,
>
>>at maririnig mo ang isang bulong: "Yan ba?"
>
>>Grabe, ang ganda na naman ng araw mo.
>
>>Di mo na lang papansinin. Kahit nakikilala mo na
sila. Isang araw
>
>>naman nakikipagkwentuhan ka sa isang ka-block mo.
Gwapo. Niloloko mo
>
>>pa nga tong taong to na siya na ang pinakagwapong
taong nakita mo sa
>
>>personal. Hehe, tawa nya. Ang saya-saya mo, biglang
may dadaan sa
>
>>likod mo na dalawang taong di sinasadyang naging
pamilyar na sayo.
>
>>Lumingon ka, at pagtalikod mo, nagsalita ang isa:
"Pinagpapantasyahan e no?"
>
>>Sasagot ang isa pa, "Oo nga."
>
>>Oh hindee!!! Anong nagawa mo??
>
>>Titigil ka na sa pakikipagkwentuhan. Aalis ka na
lang na punung-puno ng sama ng loob.
>
>>Naaasar ka sa lahat ng tao. Bakit kailangang
pakialaman ang buhay ng
>
>>taong ni hindi nila kilala? Bakit kailangang
pagtawanan at ipagkalat
>
>>ang mga bagay na di na dapat pinag-uusapan? Marami
pang version yung
>
>>mga naririnig mo sa kanila. Minsan ganito, "Siya
yun." O kaya, "Ows?
>
>>Yan yon?" Hayop. Marathon eavesdropper ka kase.
>
>>Kahit ikaw mandidiri sa iniisip mo.
>
>>At matapos mong malaman ang lahat ng bagay tungkol
sa kanya, kahit
yung
>
>>nilihim nya at nalaman mo lang nung tapos na,
naisip mong kalimutan na lang talaga siya.
>
>>One time nakipag-chat ka.
>
>> musta luvlyf?
>
>> meron b?
>
>> …wlang kwenta
>
>> ows? bkt?
>
>> basta. wla syang kwenta.
>
>> mahal mo?
>
>> huh?
>
>> mhl mo p rn un.
>
>> weh
>
>> honestly, mhl m p rn ba?
>
>> argh!
>
>> ewan
>
>> wlang kwenta pero mhl mo?
>
>> tsk tsk
>
>>Matitigilan ka. Tititigan mo yung monitor ng
matagal.
>
>> am i ryt?
>
>>
>
>> hey
>
>>
>
>>Ita-type mo yung "gtg" nang di oras. May kasama
pang "nys miting u"
>
>>para di halatang nabwisit ka sa sinabi nya. Alt-F4.
Disconnect. Shut down.
>
> >Asar na asar ka na talaga sa sarili mo. Di mo na
gustong
mag-teleport.
>
>> Gusto mo na lang talagang ma-dissolve sa hangin.
>
>>Ikaw na ngayon ang nangangailangan ng advice. Pero
walang kwenta lahat g sinabi nila.
>
>>n "Kalimutan mo na siya." PAANO? "Wag
ka kase magpapaapekto.
>
>> Wag mo isipin yung sinasabi ng ibang
tao." HA?!? ANG LABO!!!
>
>> "Marami pang iba jan!" EH SIYA NGA LANG
EH!!! Aasarin ka pa
>
>>kapag sinabi nilang, "Bakit di na lang si _____?
Yihee! Okay naman siya ah."
>
>> Ngek, ano yun, ganon lang kadali?
>
>>Nakatitig ka ngayon sa monitor. Pabalik-balik ka
lang sa lyrics.com,
>
>>sa google, at sa email composer mo. Nakakainis. Di mo
na alam kung ano pa ang sasabihin mo.
>
> >Tama, bwisit sa buhay yang feelings na yan. May
magtatanong pa,
"Bakit
>
>>mo ba yon mahal?" Wow pare, wala kang maisagot. Buti pa sa Math pwede
>
>>kang manghula ng formula, pwede mong paglaruan ang
solution mo. May
>
>>partial points ka pa. Eh sa tanong na yon? Tsk tsk.
Malabong mangyari yon.
>
>>At kung BS Love and Affection ang course mo, ‘tol…
mas mabuti pang
>
> >mag-shift ka na lang sa BA Emotionlessness and
Insensitivity habang
>
>>maaga. Malamang magkita pa kayo don.
>
> >Paulit-ulit mong sinasabi sa sarili mo na wala ka
na talagang pakialam
>
>>sa kanya. Pero bakit pag nakikita mo siya,
natitigilan ka pa rin?
>
>>Minsan, kaibigan mo na yung nagsasabi sayo, “O,
kala ko ba wala na?”
>
> >Tatawa ka na lang. Lalakasan mo para di mahalata
yung teary eyes mo.
>
>>Di ka na naman makakapagsalita. Litong-lito ka na.
Di mo alam kung
>
>>bakit nga ba ganon. Kung bakit ka apektado. Kung
bakit nagbabago ang
>
>>lahat pag nandiyan siya. Kung bakit gustung-gusto mo siyang bigyan ng
>
>>nerve cells para maramdaman niya ang lahat… Lahat.
>
>>Ngayon, ipapadala mo to sa mga kaibigan mo, sa mga
ka-block mo, at sa
> iba pang taong wala talagang pakialam sayo. Sa
kanilang lahat, di mo
>
>>alam kung sino talaga ang may tiyagang tapusin ang
ganito kahabang
>
>>senseless na mensahe. Di mo rin alam kung sino
talaga ang mag-iisip
>
>>para sayo. Di mo alam kung sino ang maaapektuhan.
>
>>Somehow, gusto mong ma-disconnect ka na lang bigla.
Maubusan ng
>
>>internet credits. Sabugan ng pc. Mag-brown-out.
Biglang
>
>>mag-collapse. Umiyak. Malunod. Maging ipis. Uminom
ng 1boteng paracetamol.
>
> >Mabagsakan ng asteroid. Maglahong parang bula.
>
>>Kase, tama yung sinabi ng naka-chat mo. Sinasabi
mong walang kwenta,
>
>>pero mahal mo.
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>>Sobra.

Blue Christmas

2004-11-08T16:05:00.000-08:00

Suddenly I felt alone… for the past few days I couldn’t wait for Christmas to come and celebrate the season of giving, sharing and loving. Hmm loving? That’s when I my mellow drama started. It’s getting cold outside and the more I feel like I am really going to spend Christmas alone.

There’s no one I can drag to go with me attend the “simbang gabi” since my boyfriend and I broke up last May.

If you’re going to ask me why not go with my family, it’s a long story… my mom’s in New York and I’m pretty sure my dad would be somewhere out of sight those days, then my brother would probably go with his girl.

Why not go with my friends? Well my closest friends who might probably say yes lives in a distant world away from me.

For the first time in my life I am very eager to be with someone. Someone I will love and who will love me back for the rest of my existence. And I’m not even sure if I have found him yet. I’m just yearning for a person that at some point will make my life or even just my day complete.

Bad Day

2004-11-06T22:48:00.000-08:00

This is just one of the few days I hate waking up and realizing that I’m in love...

Things were never this tough, falling in love with someone who’s never meant for you. Knowing he’s just a friend and never will he has second thoughts of thinking of you more than a friend. It’s really true when they said that in life we have to get hurt to learn a valuable lesson.

Let's Talk About Love

2004-11-05T03:23:00.000-08:00

Now I’ve come to the point na balik na naman ako sa mga taong pinilit kong kalimutan. Ibaon sa limot… para makalimot sa sakit, para makatakas. Confuse na naman.

Si “panget” ba? Si “childhood sweetheart? eh pano si ex? Wala na ba talaga?

the “past”

yeah aaminin ko that at a certain point naskatan ako knowing na meron na agad iba. Pero na-realized ko na kung may nararamdaman man ako, it’s not because I still love him but because I just haven’t let go of the fact that he’s not mine anymore. At kung na iinis man ako I think dahil insecure lang ako. [honestly] kase she’s prettier, kase she’s more talented, kase blahblah. But that’s just another thing I learned. I’m different from her, I have my own unique abilities that made me able to stand out [I believe]. Now I can say tapos na ko sa process of moving on... I’m now on the process of finding someone and hoping to find the right one.

the “childhood sweetheart”

He’s one heck of a you-confuse-me-type-of-guy. What about him nga ba? I LIKE him. I really do. He makes me feel that he likes me too pero minsan parang hindi. He’s sending me mixed signals kase. Another thing barkada siya ng kuya ko at obviously he’s scared of my bro and yun nga things are very complicated between us. Seems like kung gagawan ng title ang story naming it would be: “PWEDE pero HINDI DAPAT”

the “friend”

the prob with us is sobrang close namin na sobrang open pa.. We’re like best of friends. Kaya nga it has been hard for me to decide whether to cross the borderline and take it to the next level or just stay foot and become friends na lang. I don’t wanna ruin naman that special bond na ang tagal din naming binuo.

Now what?!

Regrets

2004-11-04T22:35:00.000-08:00

~~High School Grad. Enrollment. First sem. Sem break.~~

Second sem na!

A different beginning, new challenges to face para sana someday maging isang successful CERTIFIED NURSE and syempre sana makapagbalik man lang ng utang na loob for everything my parents did for us, especially for all the sacrifices my mom did.

But then I think to myself… “ito na ba yung best mo? Are you doing enough to prove you’re gonna be someone BIG someday?”

A heartrending NO would be my retort.

7 months passed after my high school graduation. When I think about what have I learned after 7 months and upon entering college, there would be just a couple of positive things I can summon up or maybe none?! Yeah I could say that I have learned to enjoy life more, now that I’m in college… but actually I think I came over the top enjoying life that I forgot that I’m in college to get a degree, to have A LIFE someday. Maybe I just got really thrilled and curious to do those things that I have not experience way back my high school. There’s just a lot that I missed that time that I want to catch up with those people who have encountered it earlier than me which I realized now as not such a great idea. If only I could turn back time maybe I would try to do things that will make me enjoy life and at the same time perk up my personality. But that’s just it, it’s over. Well we learn from our mistakes anyway.

Results of my final grade in the first sem is not yet released but I’m pretty sure it’s not a job well done. [sigh]